Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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