i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
