At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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