dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
