He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
