i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
