So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
