alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
