She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
