i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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