I think im going to throw up on grandma
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
