Whod you bang
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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