Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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