Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
