Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
