and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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