You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
