Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
