Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
