She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my shit smells like andre
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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