Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
