nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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