When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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