Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
