my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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