he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
