the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
