I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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