I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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