i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize