Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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