Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
