In the future we'll all be gay
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
