I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
