Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
