then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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