TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
