I just saw a hot homeless man
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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