I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
is wine microwaveable?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
