it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
