White coat. Heels.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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