i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
