hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
