Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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