I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
