Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
