Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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