1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
