i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im drinking this country out of the recession.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
