do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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