You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
