I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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